Having an abortion can bring up all sorts of feelings. For some people, it’s straightforward relief. For others, it’s more complicated. You might feel sad, guilty, or grieving even though you know it was the right decision. You might feel nothing at all. You might feel several conflicting emotions at once.
All of these responses are valid. There’s no right way to feel after an abortion. Your emotions are yours, and they deserve acknowledgment regardless of what they are.
Relief Is Normal
The most common emotion people report after an abortion is relief. Relief that the procedure is over, relief that they’re no longer pregnant, relief that they can move forward with their lives.
If relief is your primary feeling, that’s completely fine. You don’t need to manufacture sadness or guilt to prove the decision mattered to you. Feeling relieved doesn’t make you callous or cold. It means the abortion was the right choice for you.
Grief Is Also Normal
Some people grieve after an abortion. This grief is real and deserves space, even if you’re certain the abortion was necessary. You can grieve what might have been while simultaneously knowing you made the right choice for your circumstances.
This grief might be about the pregnancy itself, about the timing being wrong, about life circumstances that made the pregnancy impossible to continue, or about the loss of a potential future you had to let go of.
Grief doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It means you’re human and you’re processing a significant experience.
Complex and Contradictory Feelings
Emotions aren’t simple or binary. You can feel relieved and sad. Grateful and guilty. Confident in your decision and still mourn what you’ve lost. These contradictions don’t cancel each other out or mean you’re confused.
Human emotions are complex, and major life decisions often bring up multiple feelings simultaneously. There’s nothing wrong with experiencing ambivalence or holding seemingly opposite emotions at the same time.
Guilt and Shame
Many people feel guilt after an abortion, even when they’re certain it was the right choice. This guilt often comes from external messages about abortion rather than your own values or beliefs.
We live in a culture that stigmatizes abortion. You’ve likely absorbed messages your entire life about abortion being wrong, selfish, or shameful. These messages don’t just disappear because you’ve made a thoughtful decision about your own body and life.
Guilt is a feeling, not a fact. You can feel guilty and still have done nothing wrong. Processing guilt often involves separating internalized shame from your actual values and choices.
Sadness About Circumstances
Sometimes the grief isn’t about the abortion itself but about the circumstances that made it necessary. Grief about financial instability, relationship problems, lack of support, timing, health issues, or any number of factors that meant continuing the pregnancy wasn’t viable.
This is legitimate grief. It’s okay to wish your circumstances were different, to be angry about systemic issues that limit your choices, or to mourn the life situation that made abortion your best option.
Feeling Nothing
Some people don’t feel much of anything after an abortion. It was a medical procedure, they made a clear decision, and they move on without significant emotional processing.
This is also completely valid. You don’t need to have big feelings to prove the decision was meaningful. Not everyone processes significant events through intense emotions, and that’s fine.
When Grief Feels Overwhelming
If grief or other difficult emotions are significantly affecting your daily life, relationships, or mental health, that’s a sign you might benefit from additional support. This doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It means you’re human and processing something difficult.
Prolonged or intense grief, depression, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts deserve attention and care. These aren’t inevitable consequences of abortion, but when they occur, they’re treatable.
Processing Your Feelings
Allow Yourself to Feel
Whatever you’re feeling, let yourself feel it without judgment. Don’t force yourself to feel differently or tell yourself you shouldn’t feel a certain way. Emotions aren’t right or wrong; they just are.
Make space for your feelings. This might mean crying, journaling, talking to someone, or simply sitting with whatever emotion is present without trying to change it.
Talk to Someone
Talking about your feelings can help process them. This might be a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or a post-abortion support service.
Choose people who will listen without judgment. You don’t need someone to tell you how to feel or convince you that you made the right or wrong decision. You need someone who can hold space for whatever you’re experiencing.
Write It Out
Journaling can be a powerful tool for processing complex emotions. You don’t need to share it with anyone. Just getting thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto paper can provide clarity and relief.
You might write letters you never send, stream-of-consciousness processing, or structured reflection. Whatever form works for you is the right approach.
Rituals and Acknowledgment
Some people find rituals helpful for processing grief. This might be as simple as lighting a candle, as personal as writing a letter and burning it, or as creative as making art that expresses your feelings.
Rituals can provide a sense of closure or a way to acknowledge what happened. They’re not necessary, but for some people, they’re meaningful.
Professional Support
Therapy
A therapist can provide a safe, non-judgmental space to process your feelings. Look for someone who is explicitly pro-choice or abortion-positive. You shouldn’t have to worry about being judged or receiving biased care.
Therapy isn’t just for people struggling intensely. It can be helpful for anyone processing a significant life event, even if you’re coping well overall.
Post-Abortion Support Services
Organizations like Exhale, All-Options, and local abortion funds often offer post-abortion support including talklines, text support, and online communities. These services are run by people who understand abortion and won’t judge you.
Be cautious of “crisis pregnancy centers” or organizations that claim to offer post-abortion support but are actually anti-abortion. Genuine support services respect your decision and help you process your feelings, not shame you or try to make you regret your choice.
Grief and Time
There’s no timeline for processing emotions after an abortion. Some people feel fine immediately and continue to feel fine. Others process feelings over weeks, months, or years.
Your feelings might also change over time. You might feel one way immediately after and different a year later. You might not think about it much and then have unexpected feelings triggered by something unrelated.
All of this is normal. Emotional processing isn’t linear, and significant life events can continue to resonate in different ways as time passes and circumstances change.
Anniversary Reactions
Some people experience renewed emotions around the anniversary of their abortion or around the due date the pregnancy would have had. This is called an anniversary reaction and it’s completely normal.
If this happens to you, be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge the feelings, use whatever coping strategies work for you, and remember that anniversary reactions typically pass relatively quickly.
Impact on Future Pregnancies
If you become pregnant again in the future, whether planned or unplanned, it might bring up feelings about your previous abortion. This is normal too.
You might feel guilty, worried, or like you need to “make up” for the abortion. You might feel protective of this pregnancy in ways that surprise you. Or you might not think about the previous abortion much at all.
These feelings don’t mean anything about whether your abortion was right or wrong. They’re just human responses to complex situations.
Cultural and Religious Context
Your cultural or religious background might significantly influence how you feel about your abortion. If you come from a community that strongly opposes abortion, you might be dealing with additional layers of guilt, shame, or fear.
Some people find ways to reconcile their religious or cultural identity with their decision to have an abortion. Others experience lasting conflict. Some people choose to keep their abortion private. These are all valid approaches.
If religious or cultural guilt is affecting you, it might help to talk to someone who understands both your faith tradition and reproductive justice. Some religious groups and individuals are pro-choice and can help you work through these conflicts.
You’re Not Alone
One in four women will have an abortion by age 45. Millions of people have been through this experience. Your feelings, whatever they are, have been felt by countless others.
The silence and stigma around abortion can make you feel isolated, but you’re not alone. There are communities, support services, and individuals who understand and can offer genuine support.
Moving Forward
Processing emotions after an abortion doesn’t mean dwelling on it forever or letting it define you. It means giving yourself space to feel whatever you feel, getting support if you need it, and then moving forward with your life.
For most people, the intensity of emotions, whether positive or difficult, fades with time. The abortion becomes part of your history, one experience among many, rather than the defining event of your life.
You get to decide what this experience means to you. You get to decide how much space it takes up in your life. And you get to feel however you feel about it without justification or explanation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel relieved after an abortion?
Yes, absolutely. Relief is the most commonly reported emotion after abortion. It doesn’t make you callous or mean you didn’t take the decision seriously. It means the abortion was the right choice for you and your circumstances.
Can you experience grief even if you’re sure the abortion was right?
Yes. You can grieve what might have been while simultaneously knowing you made the right decision. Grief doesn’t mean regret. It’s possible to hold both certainty in your choice and sadness about the circumstances that made it necessary.
How long do emotions after abortion last?
This varies enormously. Some people process their feelings within days or weeks. Others take months or occasionally years. There’s no standard timeline, and your emotions might change over time. Most people find that intense feelings, whether positive or difficult, fade gradually.
Will I regret my abortion later?
Research consistently shows that the vast majority of people don’t regret their abortions. Five years after an abortion, 99% of people report that it was the right decision. Feeling sad or grieving sometimes doesn’t equal regret.
Is post-abortion syndrome real?
No. “Post-abortion syndrome” is not a recognized medical or psychological condition. It’s a term created by anti-abortion groups to stigmatize abortion. While some people do experience grief, sadness, or other emotions after abortion, this isn’t a syndrome and doesn’t affect most people who have abortions.
Should I tell my partner or family about my feelings?
That’s entirely your decision. Some people find it helpful to share their feelings with trusted people in their lives. Others prefer to keep things private or only share with a therapist or support service. Consider who in your life can provide genuine support without judgment.
What if I’m struggling months or years after my abortion?
If you’re experiencing prolonged or intense difficult emotions, anxiety, depression, or intrusive thoughts related to your abortion, please reach out for support. A therapist who specializes in reproductive health or a post-abortion support service can help. These feelings are treatable and you deserve support.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Head to our support links page for resources and organisations that can help, wherever you are in the world.
References
- Rocca, C. H., et al. (2020). Emotions and decision rightness over five years following an abortion: An examination of decision difficulty and abortion stigma. Social Science & Medicine, 248, 112704.
- Biggs, M. A., et al. (2017). Women’s Mental Health and Well-being 5 Years After Receiving or Being Denied an Abortion. JAMA Psychiatry, 74(2), 169-178.
- Major, B., et al. (2009). Abortion and mental health: Evaluating the evidence. American Psychologist, 64(9), 863-890.
- Kimport, K., et al. (2012). Social sources of women’s emotional difficulty after abortion: Lessons from women’s abortion narratives. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 44(4), 249-256.
- British Pregnancy Advisory Service. (2022). Abortion and Mental Health. Available at: https://www.bpas.org/
- Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists. (2011). The Care of Women Requesting Induced Abortion. Evidence-based Clinical Guideline Number 7.
- American Psychological Association. (2008). Report of the APA Task Force on Mental Health and Abortion. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
- National Abortion Federation. (2022). After Your Abortion: Emotional Support. Available at: https://prochoice.org/
