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Sexy body or sexy brain quiz: what's your desire style?
A free 12-question quiz based on Dr Pat Love's sexy body, sexy brain theory. Find out how your desire actually works, and why there's nothing wrong with you.
Your desire style
Your desire profile
What this means for you
In long-term relationships
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Mismatched desire is one of the most common reasons people seek sex and relationship therapy, and one of the most resolvable. Understanding your desire style is a great first step, but sometimes it really helps to have a professional space to explore things together.
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A reminder: your desire style is not a flaw to fix. It's information to work with. Many people move along the spectrum between sexy body and sexy brain at different times in their lives. Be curious, not critical, about what you've discovered.
Based on the framework of Dr Pat Love, therapist and co-author of Hot Monogamy. For deeper exploration, consider working with a qualified psychosexual therapist.
What is sexy body sexy brain?
Sexy body sexy brain is a way of understanding desire developed by therapist and author Dr Pat Love. The idea is simple: people don't all get "in the mood" the same way. Some of us have a sexy body. Desire shows up on its own, often physically, and often out of nowhere. Others have a sexy brain. Desire tends to need the right conditions first: feeling connected, relaxed, safe and not thinking about the washing. Most people sit somewhere between the two, and where you land can move around across your life.
If this sounds familiar, it's because it maps closely onto spontaneous and responsive desire, ideas from Rosemary Basson's research and popularised by Emily Nagoski in Come As You Are.
If this sounds familiar, it's because it maps closely onto spontaneous and responsive desire, ideas from Rosemary Basson's research and popularised by Emily Nagoski in Come As You Are.
Who is Dr Pat Love?
Dr Pat Love is a US-based therapist, speaker and author known for her work on love, desire and long-term relationships. She co-wrote Hot Monogamy and is a regular speaker at couples therapy conferences, including her keynote Sexy Body/Sexy Brain: It Helps to Know the Difference.
Sexy Brain, Sexy Body FAQs
The most common Cliterally community questions, answered.
What is the sexy body sexy brain theory?
It's a model from Dr Pat Love describing two broad ways people experience desire: spontaneously and physically (sexy body), or responsively, once connection and context are there (sexy brain).
Who is Dr Pat Love?
A US therapist, speaker and author known for her work on love and desire in long-term relationships, and co-author of Hot Monogamy.
Is a sexy brain the same as responsive desire?
They overlap a lot. Sexy brain lines up closely with responsive desire, and sexy body with spontaneous desire.
Can your desire style change?
Yes. Stress, hormones, health, parenting and relationship length can all shift where you sit.
Is one desire style better than the other?
No. Both are normal. Problems usually come from mismatched expectations, not from either style.
DISCLAIMER: This website is for 18+ and does not provide medical advice. Read more here.
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